Well its been almost a month since i have typed in here. Over a month since Jeff has broken up with me. And over 3 months that i have liked him. The days go by fast but that doesnt mean my thoughts do. My mind has been buzzing with thoughts back and forth. I'm not going into to detail but....I can really get sick from thinking to much. Times are rough right now and i just want to break down. At these times i think back to when i was going out with Jeff and how possitively i would have been thinking. It really gets more upset tot ell you the truth but sometimes it can help. I have come to realize that when i was with Jeff, I wasn't much of myself. I definatly felt different. I am trying to go back to my old ways of being possitive and out going it's really ahrd when all I can think about is him. I talk to Savannah not much to Britt and sometimes Sammy. I get to many thoguhts not to tell any one. Lately to take time to think I have been running. Quite a bit some times up to 6 times a week, which is a lot for me. I don't talk to Jeff much at all, and i cant help but wondering if it helps me or breaks me. Ihate complaining and making people give me advice. I'm usually the advice giver not the receiver but I must say i have been doing quite a bit of recieving. I can't help to think if Cassidy acually saw something in Jeff or if she was just playing some games. The way she came off to me was sweet and really cute but now i see her as a back stabber and not a good friend. I wish that the week i took away from talking to Jeff was erased. Now im too far away from him I think ot getting him back. Britt talks to him almost every night, I'm lucky if I talk to him once a week. Their getting eachother Christmas gifts........I really wish it would have been me planning the gift. Right now at this very moment I want to see him, talk to him, laugh with him, as much as I want him to see me cry because of the pain I'm going through. I hate blaming him for my pain. He didn't make me this way. I did it to myself, as much as I dont want to admit it. I wish sometimes for this whole idea of not being with him to be erased. I hate going through the aftermath, no matter how much it builds you for the future. We once did what we did because that was EXACTLY what we wanted to be doing. Now that I have done it I want to go back. But if I did i wouldn't have all of the memories in between. Although i hate being alone and hate missing him and hate thinking about where we would be now i absolutely love the fact that i met some one that made me so happy that I can cry over. Not every guy is going to make me cry, and I was lucky enough to have this one to make me realize it. I don't know if I could say I loved him, but i sure did like him a whole lot.............

I cant ever again look up into a clear stary night looking for shooting stars without thinking about the night at Sammy's..........

I cant ever again think about tying my strings on my hoodie without thinking of his new hairstyling fashions.................

I cant ever again think about running as fast as I can or track without him pacing through my mind..............

But i would never want it another way........ 

Hey yall! I didn't typw yesterday darn! But yesterday hmm what did i do? Well i hung around the house and then my mother and brother and I went you to lunch! Then after a little Aaron and I went tot he house and stayed for a while and painted! AND I GOT STUNG BY A BEE!!!!It hurt and I cryed! I was angered! Then we went to the mall and spent some time with my mother on her break and my grandmother, then we went to Walmart then we went home and i talked with Rach until like 1 in the morning! Then today i got up kinda later than i wanted to but then i got readya nd we went to Ligonier Days witht he family and grandparents then right after that we went home picked up Abby's present and Travis's and went to Abby's brithday party! Then straight from the party we went to the maze by the fairgrounds with Britt's family! It was awesome! Britt and I had so much freakin fun! We ate and came home then father and i looked for the office keys btu er kinda lost them then we went to drop off a movie but now im here and i have to go! Im going to bed! School and hopefully skaing tomorrow! Love Yall! -But mostly Jeff! im kinda upset because i didnt get to talk to him much this weekend and i might be going away next! So im going to amke it up to him this week! I LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOO MUCH FOREVER AND EVER! 

Hey yall! I'm back!!!! O YEA! Any ways I know yall can see this but for me this is to help me REMEMBER what all I do in my passing days! But it has been forever since I have written in here! I excited to be back! Any ways how have I been! Well I kinda lost myself as Kayla! I don't really feel like myself (Kayla) any more I miss myself! Landers agreed to help me fine myself again and if you have any leads please do tell! I miss the way things used to be with all us girls too! If any one has noticed we all practically fell apart! I mean we are never all todagether and more and we all know we are upset about it! No one is nice to eahcother and every one is taking behind eachtoher's back its kinda sad to think about it we used to all be able to tell ANYONE in our group anything and nothing get out but now if we tell one person that we though we could trust they turn around and there are a lot of people out of group that knows and the last time I checked that's not what friends do so its kinda upsetting! On the upside I have been going out with Jeff for over a month now! Imr really excited to find some one I like this much! I love him soooo much! Tonight is the football game and I'm hoping to go and with Cassie! Its going to be so much fun! Ha I just imed Kevin Dorko for the first time! I'm in a good mood! I kinda want to go tot he house we are remodeling for a while this is where I'm going to be getting my money for the next 3 months! I'm really excited because its going to be neat to see how this house goes from a disaster to something really nice! We are fixing it for a guy who is doing it for an investment Uncle Danny and Pappap have been working on it along with the family! I have been there almost every day since Sunday! Last weekend I spent all weekend with Savannah. I have been spending a lot of time with her! Its a lot of fun! O well I better get going this is long already and I need to do my hair if I want to do ANYTHING today! I'm kinda nervous to ask mother if I can go to the game tonight because she knows that Jeff was at one of them! Yea parents found out about Jeff and I was in trouble for a while we fought about it all last weekend! O well I DO have to go! Talk Lata! See ya!

OK I'm back! I did end up going to the game after much argument with the parents and such! But Britt and I went late we ahd a lot of FUN! We talked to many people and were pciked up amny times by Ricky! And the whole time i had though Jeff ahd left since i wasnt there but like 9:15 I FOUND HIM, nd we hung out, and Britt and i took many pictures,a nd we took Landers home! It was interesting! We almost took Jeff home ut he got in trouble by his mother, which i hope hes not in BIG trouble! Yes tonight was quite fun! It was mostly Britt and I and it was a lot of fun for it to be just us again! I think we both enjpyed eachtoher very much! And now im sitting here talking to Amber and i ahve to go soon to help Aaronw ith the gamre hes playing and then I want to read Harry Potter and do some homework so im nto overloaded at the last minute like always! And i feel liek i need tog et a move on! Most likely ill be at the house r Ligonier Days and Sunday i ahve to go to Abbey's birthday party! And im kinda hoping to see Jeff some time! And Britt told me what the suprise thing Jeff got me was SHHH! O well i gotta get off of ehre and finish talking to Amber and go to bed! Goodnight! <3I LOVE JEFFREY ALAN<3